A Letter To My Younger Self (Margaret)

If time machines exist, trust me I would send this letter to you. You need it more than I do now. Looking back on my past there are so many things I wish I could tell you, from what and who was a horrible idea to how everything will get better. Most importantly I want to tell you not to worry. Don't feel worthless or down because I promise it won't matter by senior year. Don't get hung up on who likes you and who doesn't, because you're going to find a group of people called NOLA Service Learning who will accept your weirdness and your quirks. You're going to become a part of something so much bigger than yourself and it's going to change who you are forever, even if you don't think it will at the beginning of that incredible week.

Someday you're going to be challenged to step outside of your comfort zone, and spend long days working in ways you haven't done before, or not for those extended periods of time. You're going to be vulnerable but you'll be helped along by the people around you, who will pick you up and help you keep going.

Someday you will see houses that have collapsed and house foundations where someone used to live. You will meet people who have had to start over completely but never gave up hope. They have lost everything, but they don't spend their days being materialistic. They are grateful for the home and family they have now. You will hear stories of people who haven't yet returned to their homes, and your heart will go out to them as you realize how lucky you are, and how much you really have.

Someday you will fall in love with an organization called Our School at Blair Grocery, even though you'll spend your days there digging trenches and making compost piles. The people there have started from scratch and are trying to rebuild their neighborhood, and give people something to come back to. It'll make you think, and it will feel like home. And you'll think it's the end of the world when you get paint all over your Blair Grocery shirt, but trust me it isn't, and you'll regret the time you waste being upset.

Someday you will meet children who have it so much worse than you ever thought you did. They will be sweet and fun, but they will have seen far more than they should have in their lives. They will be everywhere, from Blair Grocery to United Saints to the Community Center at Saint Bernard, and they will remind you that there is always something to hope for and something to smile about, be it basketball or fruit-juice-frozen-in-a-cup.

Someday you will spend an entire day digging and weeding and planting at a garden for a man who doesn't speak your language, but you won't let that stop you. You'll get very tired halfway through the day but by the end, after songs and rain and time with friends, you will fully understand how important what you're doing is, and how much it will mean to Marlow, the nicest guy ever even though you need to think outside the box to communicate with him.

Someday you will be so tired and exhausted that you don't even want to get out of bed in the morning, but if you do it will be worth it, and if you don't, you'll never know what you missed. Every single day you spend in New Orleans will make you a stronger, happier, more compassionate person. And for the first few days you might not understand that - you won't have the same huge and overwhelming emotional reaction you had (well. At this point it's you're going to have) in New York your junior year. But on the last night it's all going to hit you and you'll fight back the tears as everyone talks about what an amazing week they had.

Someday there will be more things you want to write about in this letter, but you'll realize that you don't need to share everything. You'll learn that some moments are private, and they will be yours and only yours. You'll learn how to be independent.

I so wish I could give this to you, and let it make everything better, but I'm not that worried, because from where I am I can promise you it gets better. And from here, it's just going to keep improving. I'm going to take what I've learned here and apply it to the rest of my life: A positive attitude and the willingness to serve others has more healing power than any medicine or doctor.

All I can really say is you're stronger than you realize, luckier than you know, and I'm proud to say you're myself.

Best of luck with the world out there,

You, writing from New Orleans, Louisiana in February of 2011